GRRM vs Rex Ryan

George R. R. Martin is a big New York Jets fan. He recently spoke out against the Darrelle Revis trade in a blog post, as he is wont to do when the Giants or the Jets make what he considers a bad move. What's different this time is that Rex Ryan, the Jets' head coach and fan of the Game of Thrones TV series, responded publicly via the ESPN Playbook:

Dear George R.R. Martin:

I saw your blog post about the Jets and our trade of Darrelle Revis.

I’m glad you are a fan of the Jets, but I think you should stick to your field of expertise. But you decided to put on your football hat, so let me take this opportunity to tell you all the many problems with your “Game of Thrones.” I am a fan of the show, as you are a fan of the Jets, but it has some major flaws.

Trades

You gripe about our trade of Darrelle Revis to the Buccaneers in exchange for the 13th overall pick and a conditional pick in 2014. You write: “It is never a good idea to trade the best player on your team.”

All due respect, sir, but you are the last person in the world who knows anything about realistic trades. In the latest episode of “Game of Thrones,” Daenerys Targaryen trades her biggest and strongest dragon for 8,000 slave soldiers. Eight THOUSAND.

And you’re trying to tell us what a fair trade is? Come on. Revis may not be a dragon, but he is our best and he couldn’t net anything close to that kind of return. You’ve been creating fantasy worlds for so long, you’re now living in one.

If only it stopped there.

After the trade is made, Targaryen gets her Revis right back because it burns its new master up with a belch of fire. Seriously?

I guess you think this is a good trade. Getting 8,000 soldiers in exchange for nothing. You probably think we should have traded Revis for Josh Freeman, Doug Martin, Vincent Jackson, Lavonte David, Ronde Barber and all of Tampa Bay’s draft picks for the next 10 years … only to then command Revis to destroy the Buccaneers and come right back to the Jets a minute later. Yeah, that would be nice. But sorry, guy, the NFL is not fantasyland. Please don’t try to tell us about trades again until you have some credibility on the subject.

Man-Woman Relationships

I get that you want the relationship between Stannis Baratheon and Melisandre to seem strange and uncomfortable. But you could do better. A relationship between a man and a woman can get all kinds of freaky. You have no idea. Trust me on this. You haven’t even scratched the surface. It’s like you’re not trying. Oh, and Melisandre is supposed to be all mysterious because she makes a ton of prophecies? Whoop-dee-damn-do. So do I. But at least I take some risks with my prophecies. I doubt your Melisandre believes in herself enough to say the Jets will win the Super Bowl. And, sure, I’ve never given birth to a shadow demon, but something almost as terrible comes out of me after I eat Taco Bell. My point is this: Step up your game.

Brothers

All of the brothers in your show seem to hate each other or at least have major rivalry issues. The Lannisters. The Starks. The Baratheons. Again, not realistic. I have a brother. A twin brother, in fact. We like to compete against each other, but at the end of the day, we just want to kick back with a few beers and shoot the s---, not each other. This is a real brother relationship. House Ryan, lords of awesome.

Storylines

How many seasons are you planning to draw this thing out? You realize you wouldn’t have this luxury in the NFL, right? The pressure is constant, and people demand immediate results. Some of your storylines are taking longer to develop than Mark Sanchez. That's not good.

The People North of the Wall

I don’t know what you’re going for here, but I don’t think it’s working. Is it some kind of metaphor? When most people I know think of people from the north, they think of the Buffalo Bills. And there’s nothing scary about them. “Winter is coming.” Great! That means two free wins because you get to play the Bills.

Look, I’m a fan of “Game of Thrones.” But you ripped my Jets, so I came back at you. Fair is fair. No one is perfect. Well, except, it seems, Arya Stark. Let’s develop her character a little better, OK? Everyone has flaws. Even Tim Tebow has flaws, as I well know.

All of these problems aside, I plan to keep watching, just as I hope you’ll keep rooting on the New York Jets.

Sincerely,

Rex Ryan

P.S. You modeled King Joffrey after Tom Brady, right? Whiny, petulant and cowardly. Nailed it!
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The Tom Brady bit is just awesome!! :P